6 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Keep Your Childs Baby Teeth

Jewelry box of baby teeth

Jewelry box of baby teeth

AND WHAT TO DO WITH THEM…

As a professional organizer in Los Angeles  since 2014 (trying to appeal to SEO here), I feel very strongly about this topic…No one should keep their child’s baby teeth. ..here’s why…

  1. It’s creepy, it’s gross, and nobody cares. I can’t tell you how unsettling it is to go into someone’s home, open a drawer, and find 4 or 5 random child sized teeth loosely rolling around, like some serial killer’s trophy. It really dampens my spirit and heightens my paranoia…now my spine is prickled and I’m on the lookout for lockets of hair and toe nail clippings….I was having a nice day and now I’m questioning what I’m doing with my life. And just because you put them in cutesy box does not lessen the blow. I can’t imagine you take this box out at parties and pass it around will drinking little snifters of brandy …no that box remains in drawer or in some other box in the back of a closet until someone like me or some cleaning lady discovers them and that sparkle in their eyes disappears.

  2. There’s no reason to keep them these little teeth! I promise you, no one really cares, except you for about 60 seconds when you accidentally stumble upon them every couple of years and go, “awwww!”

  3. People rarely know how to store them and they end up just rattling around a drawer. If you do buy some sort of box from Etsy or Amazon (not sponsored, but I would sell out in a second), then you have to store that box, most likely in another larger box, full of things you also probably shouldn’t be keeping. Trust me, if you’re house burns down, you won’t be crying about the lost teeth or including them in your insurance claim BECAUSE THEY ARE WORTHLESS! Sentimentality will always end up costing you a fortune as well as your sanity.

  4. Your children won’t care that you’ve kept their teeth. What will happen is that one day you’ll pass away and they’ll be stuck having to go through your home and decide what to keep and toss. And if you’ve stored baby teeth, there’s a good chance you’ve stored many other unnecessary items. So then your children, in their grief, will be forced to choose and feel guilty about throwing them away, even though they don’t want to have to store some teeth in their own home. Ultimately, if they don’t let their emotions sway them into keeping everything (that happens and it’s not good), if they are wisely thinking of their own children or landlord, they will be tossing those teeth in the trash, as well as the pretty little box they came in.

  5. By tossing those teeth you will be saving space, time, and money. Space in your home that would be otherwise taken up by teeth. Time that you would have otherwise devoted to shopping for a box, boxing them, and boxing that box. Money because you won’t have to pay for storage of all your sentimental things or hire an organizer to help you make space and organize those things.

  6. You or someone else will ultimately end up throwing those teeth away. Think about it, if we all kept our relatives’ teeth, we’d have to have rooms solely devoted to storing teeth, teeth rooms…rooms full of teeth…the stuff of nightmares!

SOLUTION: Chuck those teeth into the backyard where they will be one with the earth and possibly used as a summer home for a family of fleas!

platic-bag-baby-teeth.jpg

This guy must be raking it in

Instead of buying and storing stuff…

What’s important is that you spend time with your children and set a good example with regard to the environmental effects of consumption and the byproduct of waste.  Not as fun for either of you as the tooth fairy, but that’s a creepy concept anyway, where your child’s only takeaway is five bucks and a subconsciously ingrained inability to fully trust you. (Stay tuned for my blog post on Christmas).

Debbie downer isn’t fun, dear reader, but she also isn’t wrong. 

BOX-of-baby-teeth.jpg

Box-o-Teeth

Please be sure to subscribe below for more bleak blog posts about what you’re doing wrong in life and how you’re contributing to the apocalypse.

Xoxo

Lisa Shields

P.S. Here’s a pretty good reason to keep teeth that I found after writing this article. Ha!

https://www.sunnyskyz.com/blog/1677/This-Is-Why-Doctors-Are-Telling-Parents-To-Keep-Their-Kids-Baby-Teeth

Please comment below if there are any other topics you’d like me to write about. 

If this blog post helped you in anyway, please feel free to donate a dollar or two or ten to my Venmo @Lisa-Shields. It will encourage and allow me to write more life changing blog posts.

Previous
Previous

Stop Buying Individual Tooth Flossers! And Other Precursors To The Apocalypse, Like Elon Musk