Stop Buying Individual Tooth Flossers! And Other Precursors To The Apocalypse, Like Elon Musk
The devil’s floss
If we are lucky that flamethrower will backfire
I’ve been organizing homes in Los Angeles, California since 2014…
I see what people buy and discard. I know what what we actually need and what we don’t…
Sometimes I have PTSD flashbacks… I think of the bins of Legos thrown in the trash…One-time-use plastic novelty items, like Mardi Gra style mini football beads necklaces bought for Super Bowl Sunday, only to be chucked to the goodwill and inevitably into the ocean. I imagine the tortoise unable to reach the surface because the beads are wrapped around his neck and a piece of bleached coral.
I certainly can’t think think of a better way to spend forty dollars
The devil’s bricks
Occasionally, I’m able to help my clients make #littlechanges that will prevent the destruction of the planet an ensure their child’s future. I’ll set up a tea towel for them to dry their hands instead of paper towels, then explain why #littlechanges like these are important…because if we don’t, one day their grandchildren will have to fight in the water wars and that everyone in the future will be assigned one single canteen at birth that they wear around their neck and wander in search of water on the surface of the earth which has turned into a dust bowl. And that if they lose that canteen they will have to fight to the death in order to steal someone else’s. But these prophetic words of wisdom often fall on deaf ears.
Do you remember the time before Amazon?
Before we were a bunch of self-indulgent zombies? I don’t either… But if we lived without Amazon once we can do it again. The convenience of Amazon doesn’t make our lives richer or save us time so we can become more enlightened. It does the exact opposite. It’s turning us all into a bunch of spoiled self-isolating apathetic characterless drones.
It’s in my humble opinion that TECHNOLOGY IS THE DEVIL! And with every new gizmo invented we become further estranged from our humanity. If I had my druthers I’d ban electricity and Elon Musk would be headed to the guillotine.
Dear Govenment, let me get this straight… Elon Musk doesn’t have to pay taxes and is allowed to pop missiles off into my sky on a daily basis yet your withholding my car registration stickers (despite me already having paid for them which I do every year like simp) until I pay for a smog check for the gas gussling car I need to drive in order to survive because you won’t invest in public transportation? I see. Seems fair. (Starts googling “how to make a pipe bomb.”)
So you see, it’s up to you/us, the individual consumer, to make ethical choices when we shop.
SO STOP BUYING INDIVIDUAL TOOTH FLOSSERS! Need I explain why this invention is idiotic, unnecessary, and detrimental to the earth? Can’t you see the tiny handle stuck inside a tortoise’s nose? Just because you can make it, doesn’t mean you should (I’m talkin’ to you Elon). The atomic bomb, electric can openers, or anything made by the company Chef’n are all tools of the devil!
You shouldn’t be allowed to procreate if you buy this.
if you think this is cool, kill yourself now.
We deserve to die, honestly
Can you overdose on ketamine? I hope so…
In the future, if I were president, nobody would forget their reusable grocery bags because if you did you’d get 10 lashings in the town square. There will be no coddling or convenience. No being nice for the sake of being nice. No storage units full of sentimental crap like baby teeth or holiday-themed dishware. xo
“TO THOSE WHO THINK THAT ALL THIS SOUNDS LIKE SCIENCE FICTION, WE POINT OUT THAT YESTERDAY’S SCIENCE FICTION IS TODAY’S FACT. THE INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION HAS RADICALLY ALTERED MAN’S ENVIRONMENT AND WAY OF LIFE, AND IT IS ONLY TO BE EXPECTED THAT AS TECHNOLOGY IS INCREASINGLY APPLIED TO THE HUMAN BODY AND MIND, MAN HIMSELF WILL BE ALTERED AS RADICALLY AS HIS ENVIRONMENT AND WAY OF LIFE HAVE BEEN.”